The Little Things 

I was in respiratory distress. It was literally less than two minutes and I went from standing to on my knees, then on all fours as I gasped for air. Fear lingered in the background as I began to hyperventilate. I lifted my head to look at my husband and son. Luckily my husband realized I was in a desperate situation as he asked about whether my nebulizer would help as I had already used my rescue inhaler with no result. I panted out that I didn’t think I could get enough of a breath in for it to actually get the medicine into my lungs. This prompted my husband to get a chair and my nebulizer set up within seconds on the porch. It was two complete rounds of medication before I finally felt the tightness in my chest lifting.
It was all because of a little Lysol disinfectant spray my husband brought home. Our kids have been sick with flu like symptoms and the last thing I need now is to get ill as well. He meant so well but it shut my lungs down quickly. I’ve pretty well always had asthma, but I didn’t always know what it was. Until November it wasn’t anything major for me. Once I knew what it was and had a rescue inhaler I would use it as needed and my symptoms always lifted and life went on. 
That has all changed. Now it takes hardly anything to throw me into distress. Then there is the hyperventilating, I never had that happen before November, I understand that too much oxygen is just as bad as not enough, that I could pass out or do damage to my heart and lungs. The trouble is once my attacks reach the coughing stage I am no longer in control and helpless to stop it. It’s pretty scary to be honest. My husband and I are more than a little sure that I almost met our Creator in November when it happened the first time and he forced me to go back to the emergency room that had already sent me home once that day. I knew he was scared when he insisted the kids come see me at the hospital before they left on the vacation I was supposed to be accompanying them on. 
Amazingly enough as I sat there in the hospital bed gasping at the breathing treatment, barely hanging on to life all I could think was “you’ve got this God and I trust you.” You see I realized there was no controlling what was going on and if it was my time the best m rival intervention in the world wouldn’t save me. I just kept thinking ” I don’t know what’s going on, a few days ago I was in my best health ever, but I trust You. I trust you with my kids, with my husband and with my now broken body.”
Perhaps this was Gods answer to a very selfish prayer I had been saying. I had been struggling for about a week about this vacation. I was looking forward to it- he had provided it for me as it was something I had always wanted to do with my daddy. Now my daddy has been gone along time and it was a promise he made to me but wasn’t able to keep. I was, however conflicted. Things were going better between my husband and I and I wasn’t sure what seven days away might do to that. I was scared he would miss the children more than me, as most days it is clear they unbiblically rank above me. I know we won’t make it if one or both of us put them above each other. So I prayed that he wouldn’t miss them more than me while we were gone. I prayed Lord make it impossible for him to miss them more than me, let his feelings for me grow while we are gone. Then I couldn’t go.
My husband has been amazing. The first week after my hospitalization he made sure I got my medicine on time, meals were made and chores as caught up as possible. He purchased a whole home humidifier for me also. Since then he has gone out of his way to take me to each and every doctors appointment and to pick up my medication. Every morning he gets the kids up for school and closes our door so I can sleep an extra hour. The last week he’s been cleaning up the kitchen every morning- which is something I usually do. It’s. It isn’t horrific, because it’s always near perfectly cleaned when he gets home from work. We then eat however and I usually let our dishes go until morning.
Breathing is such a little thing for most people. Unless you are real sick wth a respiratory infection such as bronchitis chances are you take it for granted. The thing is once you stop breathing your life ends. If we take things for granted in our marriages, friendships and family life, most times they will dwindle on till you are gasping for breath and may also come to an end.
I like to think that in the recent months I’ve taken little for granted. We’ve both changed by leaps and bounds and do more to help each other out. As a person whose has acts of services as his primary love language I know that these little things my husbands had been doing are meant to show me love. When he lets me sleep in he is saying I love you. When he picks up my medicine or takes me to the doctor it’s the same to him as it was to me yesterday that he put his hand in mine because he came in for a just a minute and the wind chill was near zero. He may have just wanted to warm his hand up from the cold, but to me it was so much more. Now I know I’m still hypersensitive, when you neglect each other so badly you both feel unloved the little things mean a lot. But what if the little things had meant a lot all along?
Sometimes in waiting for Gods bigger blessings, and answers to our prayers we miss the little day to things. We pray so hard for resolution that we can’t see it happening step by step. My doctor told me today that while I think I feel the same as I did a month ago, from his perspective he can see very small improvements. I’m sure the same would be true for anyone looking at my marriage from the outside.
I am praying today that we all take a step back, slow down and smell the roses. If your spouse, parent or friend does even a small act of kindness, or uses a kind word be sure to thank them, and praise your Creator, because He has this and He is working for our good. It may not be the million dollar solution we seek, but how much sweeter will that be if we recognize all that he has done for us along the way.


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