Playing God

I usually think that I am pretty good at giving the troubles of my life over to God. I pray every single day, multiple times throughout day. I often think our biggest prayer mistake is not praying about the little day to day things, so I try real hard to bring everything to God. Unfortunately most lessons I still learn the hard way. One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned, is to let God do the God thing. Playing God, just doesn’t turn out well, nor should we expect it to.

“If any of you lacks wisdom you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5 NIV

I’m a dachshund lover. My long haired baby, Alice, turned five this year. My husband purchased her for me when it was me that was ready to give up on our marriage. I’ll never forget him whispering in her ear to heal mommy’s heart. 

Now I am fairly sure a good deal of the healing came from God, but Alice has been my constant companion and friend since she came home with us. When I would go for a run she would go. When I would read a book she way lay along my thigh on the couch. At night she sleeps along my back. In our old house she would lay between our children’s door at night.

 Now every night when we go to bed she goes to our daughters room, goes under the bed, then our sons room, into his closet then under his bed, before coming to our bed. I think she’s checking for monsters or boogey men. If she thinks someone is playing too rough with the kids, she gets in between them barking and growing, and if someone enters our room when I am sleeping they are going to see her bare her teeth, despite the fact she has never been vicious or bitten anyone. She takes protecting our family very serious.

We always had intentions of breeding her, so we did not have her spayed as a pup. Until recently we did not know anyone we trusted with a stud. Now that we have made arrangements to have bred, she just refuses to come into heat. We did some research, visited with a vet who specializes in such issues, and learned that we could give her hormones that would cause her to cycle. The only side effects were possibly mild vomiting and diarrhea for a short period after.

After carefully scouring the internet, I found that it was successful in roughly 95% of dogs, and with the low chance of non major side effects, we elected to go that route. Mere hours later at home, I realized something was not right. When Alice started acting like she might vomit, I didn’t think much of it. I took her out of the main room to be by herself so as the other dogs wouldn’t bother her. I checked on her about half an hour later and found she was sitting in the crate, that we haven’t used in months. I called her and she didn’t come so I let her be. A little while later I decided that since she had vomited anymore I was going to bring her out. She immediately went behind one of our couches. Even this was not unusual, as she often does this in the evenings, when our children our loudest and roughest.

It was when my husband said we were going to bed that I realized something was wrong. Alice didn’t come when I called her like she does every night for bed. I climbed behind the couch and picked her up- and she was cool to the touch. My husband must have seen the worry on my face because within about a minute he asked me if she was ok. My response was I don’t know she is cold.

We immediately started trying to warm her up. My husband made a phone call. We ran down her symptoms- the pads of her feet were cold, her nose was dry, her gums were nearly snow white. Further inspection showed us her tongue was gray. Her heart beat was fast, and her breathing erratic. Then we heard the words we feared- it is to late. There is nothing that can be done, she would pass before we could get her to the vet. Alice was in the final stage of anaphylactic shock and I had missed all of the early warning signs. We gave her Benadryl with no hopes of it making any difference.

My husband held her and cried. I held her and balled. Alice, my beloved dog who I have often prayed I would have the loyalty to God that she has to me, was going to die in my arms within minutes. It was my fault. I tried to play God. I cried and cried as I told her I was sorry and I prayed to God to please forgive me. I pleaded with God to spare her life-it was hardly her fault I tried to play God, as my husband woke up our children and told them she was going to die that night. Our children cried. We cried together as they told her goodbye. Our son went back to bed shortly, knowing Alice would not be here when he got up. My daughter decided to stay up with me, doing our best to keep her comfortable until she passed. My husband went to bed, after instructing me to wake him when she passed.

As my daughter watched television, I continually rubbed Alice, wrapped in warm towels and blankets. At some point I realized that her tongue was probably dry so I went out and got a new syringe from the cow supply and filled it with luke warm water. I dripped it into her mouth as I rubbed her throat. 

Then her body convulsed and her feet were running away with her as she whimpered. I thought Alice was having seizures. I knew her time would soon be done. She urinated on me, so I got clean blankets and towels and wrapped her up and laid her on my pillow while I went to change.

When Alice’s breathing got rapid and she seemed hot I would lay her on my pillow on the floor, when the pads of her feet seemed cool I would cradle her. A few hours later she started whining again, and she tried to crawl towards the door. I stopped her for fear she would hurt herself and she urinated again. 

All night long we did this. I would get a little water down her throat, and alternate cradling her with letting her cool on my pillow. By the grace of God I realized around 6am that she might make it. Our daughter was up till 4:30, making sure that the two times I started to doze off she woke me up panicked because Alice’s breathing was down right scary. I got dressed, woke my husband and told him I was going to get her Pedialite and bones to make broth. I had done some research and that seemed like the right things to offer to her.

Every hour throughout the day we fed Alice with a syringe. Pedialite one hour. Bone broth the next. I napped for about half an hour while my husband watched over her, and he made her broth. We set up a puppy play pen around her so I could put her down to go to the bathroom, and make dinner.

By the end of the day Alice was holding up her head. She even drank all on her. It was unbelievable. We were thankful she was alive, but concerned at this point she was dehydrated as she hadn’t been to the bathroom since early that morning. My husband even got her stand a few minutes, but she tired quickly and was very shaky.

My husband and children went to bed, as I hunkered down for another long night. I made sure I set an alarm for every hour just in case I fell asleep. Half an hour later, Alice got up on her own. She peed, then started walking around the house. Her nose was low to the ground, and I watched in disbelief as she went from one room to the next. I went up to get my husband, and he couldn’t believe his eyes either. Then he told me he just finished praying for her about five minutes ago- which would have been all of about three minutes before Alice got up. I told him he should pray more often!

We quickly realized Alice couldn’t see or hear us. This was certainly a concern, but minor compared to the fact that she plain and simple should have died less than two days before. Another day in the puppy pen, I took her out several times where she went potty, but could not see or hear. Then yesterday, we got up and we quickly realized Alice could see and hear us. She looked at us we spoke her name. She walked outside on her own with her head up. Then she jumped up on the couch. She even ran to come inside the door!

My miracle puppy has fully recovered after a long four days. All of the short discussions about what we would do if this or that didn’t recover were needless. Praise the Lord they were needless. 

Alice has been a little spoiled the last few days. I’ve brought home several types of canned dog food for her to eat. She’s never been finicky but she is now. She has decided that she will only eat the cheapest canned food the store sells. Figures it’s the one that has been discontinued. 

I supposed is if this is the worst of our issues I will take it!

I’ve always been advocated of Gods timing. I’ve written about it a few times. Yet somehow I still made the grave mistake of trying to do things on my time table instead of Gods. I haven’t worked since I November due to my health issues, and I became greedy thinking that If Alice had puppy’s sooner it would certainly take a load of my husbands back. 

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:” Ecc 3:1 NIV

I am truly sorry. I never meant to hurt Alice. We thought we were making the right decision. Somehow I forgot to pray about it. I just did what I wanted to. I should have trusted in the Lord to provide what our family needs when we need it, instead of trying to make it happen when I wanted it to. My husband said to me this morning, that he didn’t understand how she went from being minutes from leaving us, to being completely back to normal so quickly. I told him I did. I didn’t deserve it, but God had mercy on us.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are yo not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matt 6:26-27 NIV


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